No Plan B.

I found this via Lindsay, on the Wired to Worry blog.  It’s encouraging, as it’s graduation time for me too, and although I know I am doing what I’m intended to do, and I do it well, there is a lot of uncertainty right now.  I know that soon I will be off doing something fun and wonderful, but right now, everything is in limbo, and it’s hard to look forward.  There seems to be nothing concrete to focus on.

Yesterday, I cleaned out my studio at ACAD.  I cried.  I feel like I’m being evicted.  I know that’s a little harsh, but that school has been my “home” for the last five years of my life.  I’ve spent more time there than anywhere else, probably in my whole life.  While I know that I will see my studio mates again, it will be less often, and more difficult to get together.  There is something really nice about going to hang out will your best friends every day.  Even though we all do different things, we all have similar interests, values, fears and ambitions.  It will be tough without having that safety net right there.

As Jobs says, it’s much easier to see “the dots” looking backwards than forwards.  I have come a long way in five years, and will go much farther.  But right now feels like the end, because I don’t know where the new beginning is yet.  I have to trust that what I’ve done and what I’ve learned and who I am will enable me to go forward from here, in a way that is true to who I am supposed to be.  But, even though this is a bit of an uncertain time for me, I do have passion, and conviction, and this is what I am meant to do.  If I die today, am I doing what I would want to be doing?  Yes.  This current uncertainty is just a shifting of gears.  I have no Plan B, nor do I want one.  This is it.  No Plan B.

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