You may have noticed that I’m having a tough time getting rolling lately. I’ve been spinning my wheels. Twyla Tharp would call it a rut (not a groove, which is how things had been going for about the last… two years). Even though I have a lot of ideas of things to work on, everything seems daunting, and my energy is low, never mind trying to find studio time. (Work is probably a big part of that lately, although I do like my job.) I’ve got things laying in pieces all over my studio, and piles of things on counters that I haven’t touched in a couple of months. I’ve been carrying around my sketchbook in my bag, without having hardly cracked it open in weeks. I have lists of things I want to do, applications to write, and lists of things to research and books to check out of the library. Lists of things I’d like to make and materials to order. And all I do is none of it.
What’s going on? I’ve tried taking a break, since before we went on vacation last month. That’s getting me nowhere, as there seems to be no end in sight. My motivation hasn’t returned at all. I’ve been making a point to hang out with a few good friends, but that hasn’t helped much. I make a point of spending time in the studio, but it seems I just move things around. Or stare things down. Flip through my sketchbooks, zone out or stare at the wall. I know sometimes I need percolation time, but this isn’t percolation time, it’s literally nothing.
My usual tactics for restoring my motivation aren’t working. I try working in my journals- same problem. I flip through the books on my shelves, particularly The Journals of Dan Eldon, anything Danny Gregory, Lynda Barry, Julia Cameron, and… nothing. Usually I can flip through whatever grabs my attention, and off I go. There’s a spark. Right now, the tinder is waterlogged. Usually even something like “Paper Cutouts” can cause a spark.
Anyway, this is getting old fast. Normally, I pride myself on my self discipline, but that has been an incredible challenge lately, although it can’t be unique to me. Do any of you have any ideas? I could sure use some suggestions.
(The photo is my studio when we moved in, in August of 2009. Looks a little different now, I’d say!)