The last five years of my life....


So now that I have that shiny new BFA…. what’s next?  I mean, I’ve got a few shows and things lined up, but what am I really doing?  I’ve been working hard on my practice, but feel that right now, no one but me is really looking at it.  I suppose it is a little inevitable- that happy place full of community- classmates, teachers, and friends- seems a little far away now, and I’m feeling like I’m working in a vacuum.  My opportunities to bounce ideas off people are becoming fewer and farther between.  I mean, the boyfriend is great (supportive and everything he should be), but he doesn’t have the training to be of value to me to ask me the tough questions and help me push my work forward.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I feel like I’m in the ‘in-between place,’ the place I’m sure most graduates experience, but somehow seems worse for art students.  Most programs I would think train you for a specific type of job, a job in your field.  I am looking for a job, any job, to support me and my art ‘habit.’  Whether or not it’s in the arts.  And even when I get one, is that what I really want, a day job (that may be interesting and enjoyable if I am lucky enough) and to have the odd exhibition?  Is this what it’s really like ‘out there’, waiting for those few moments when people actually see your work, hoping to start a bit of dialog about it?  I’ve been excited about my practice and busy making work lately, with the film and the website, doing some photography, making skeletons and Morphoid noises, prepping for a certain show, etc, but I feel like I haven’t really talked to anyone about it, except in the two times I’ve met a few of the Fibre girls for coffee.  And even then, our practices are only a small part of the conversation.

I definitely miss the community, and seeing my best friends just about every day.  I’m desperately trying to ‘switch gears,’ and get to a place where I feel somewhat comfortable again, a place where I know what my goals are and how I will continue my practice and pay the rent.  I know that I will get there eventually,  but right now, I feel a little…. uprooted.

Time, I guess.

And I think I need to figure out exactly what it is that I want, now that I’ve achieved my BFA (my last big milestone).  I definitely want to go to grad school, but not because I don’t know what else to do.  In this next year or so, I’d really like to find something of my stride, to reaffirm that this is the right choice for me, and hopefully make it a little easier for me to adjust after a couple more years of school (because I’ve done it once already).

My challenge now is to find my new stride, and trust that it will all work out in the end (because it will).  I just hate limbo-land.

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